Paul thinks he has found the right woman, one that will fill his need for love and seductiveness. But Kathryn isn’t exactly the woman of his dreams. In fact, she is the complete opposite. A rush into marriage leads them to their honeymoon vacation in Oregon, which reveals Kathryn’s dark secret and spirals Paul into the morbid madness of a religious maniac.

This is apparently a film that doesn’t quite know what to do with its concept. The plot is poorly structured and messy, switching from a tired interrogation scene to the evidently “dark” honeymoon newlyweds Kathryn and Paul experience. This is one of those movies that you might watch on television when nothing else is on, and even then it will be nothing more than an ineffective thriller and a bad film altogether.

It’s predictable, shallow, and unconvincing. Although it is certainly gratifying to see Roy Scheider (better known for his role in Jaws) in his last completed assignment, nearly everything was lackluster. The acting was questionable, the kills were forgettable, and more importantly the dialog was awkward. Come to think of it, the entire film was inept. Every scene felt like a draft. It’s as if each scene might have had a total of two takes.

On the plus side, Nick Cornish gives a mildly effective performance, but it’s hindered by a terribly flimsy one by Lindy Booth as the seductive psychopath. There are multiple sex scenes, uninvolving characters, and oblivious kills used as filler, which is ultimately dilettantish. But all the filler does help dodge boredom (you can call that a compliment to savor). This is a film with no brains, or skill for that matter, backing it up. It even has one of the most predictable and downright uninspired twist endings I have ever seen.

That being said, it is obvious that I can’t recommend Dark Honeymoon to anyone. This is a film with practically no memorable qualities to redeem it from being the hobbly piece of garbage it is. I say with complete assurance, skip this lurid mess and burn it for me if you manage to get a hold of it. All of the Dark Honeymoon DVDs should be put on display in the bottom of Hollywood’s dumpster. Yes, it’s that bad.

So if after reading this review you are still curious as to how bad the film actually is, you can check it out for yourself. But be aware that you were warned not to waste your time, money, or free rental on it. Maybe this time I will get a few “thank yous”.

The Dark Honeymoon DVD has no special features and certainly isn’t worthy of any either. 1/5 stars