Speed Racer

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 I really didn’t want to do this. I was pondering this week on whether or not to review Iron Man, a movie which I absolutely adored, or this, which I was planning to avoid at all costs or I felt I would literally have to gouge my eyes out. Well I was right about the second part, I came out of Speed Racer with my eyes nearly burning and tearing but I can promise you that it wasn’t from full disappointment, that’s right I said it, not from disappointment.


This film is an adaptation of a Japanese anime that was brought to America in the 1960’s and while kids today are just eating up animes like they were double stuff oreos at the time of their release, this anime inspired movie contained none of the sleek sexy violence or ridiculously exposed and grown women that modern animes spit out like llamas. No instead of going for fights or anything like that this movie goes directly for storytelling, and character driven… Ok I couldn’t bring myself to that, this movie is all about the Races! But we’ll get to that later.


The movie stars Emile Hirsch who absolutely blew me away in last year’s Into the Wild, and co starring with him are John Goodman, Susan Sarandon, Christina Ricci, and Matthew Fox. This movie indeed has a powerful cast to cover up the many many flaws, and in the end it works out quite well. Let’s start things off by quickly sweeping away all of those flaws. The script is incoherent, and there are so many subplots and characters at some points that X-men 3 is put to shame, the plot is entirely predictable even when it tries to throw us off, and it starts off pretty slow, and travels through the middle a little harshly as well. There the bad things have been listed now let’s get on with this and mention what I did like.


The look of this movie is mind blowing, and excuse the phrasing here seeing as how I’m trying to tone down the language but watching this movie gave my head a hint of a mental orgasm. It was seriously like I had been drunk hobo at Disneyland high on drugs and being fed marshmallow covered candy drops by Santa Claus himself and I was loving every minute of it. This movie has such a unique look and feel to it, the races are stupendous, although sometimes they move so fast that you can hardly tell what they are doing it all works out overall in your head. Even when they’re not racing the movie has a cartoon look to it that looks like a dream at first but that’s really how the Wachowski brothers decided to give it to us and I applaud them for that.


The jokes are a bit mild although there and they sometimes hit, and the acting is above average with nearly each actor perfectly capturing the characters that they are portraying, although that little snippet will be lost to non fans of the original series, and I will admit that the kid and the monkey at times made me want to throw a huge red wrench through the theater screen and watch them get thrown off a cliff, but at the same time the movie made me dream of driving the Mach 5, maybe not in real life, but in an extraordinary video game that I was really enjoying and couldn’t keep away, one that would keep me up for nights in a row like only one game has ever done before, and a movie that makes me feel that way can have as many flaws as a Uwe Boll film and I would still love it in someway. So with that I end my review, this movie is strict eye candy and a fun to watch even though the story moves slow and is sometimes confusing and is meant for children.




P.S. I take back the comment about as many flaws as a Uwe Boll film, that was wrong and I apologize. If any other film had as many flaws as Uwe Boll makes I would probably shoot myself in the head because that would signal the coming of the apocalypse and the inevitable revolution of the Bunnies.