Heavy Metal 2000

“Heavy Metal 2000” stars the many unfamiliar voices that aren’t even worth the time naming. It’s directed by Michael Coldewey and Michel Lemire and the dreadful screenplay was written by R. Payne Cabeen and Carl Macek.

This follow-up to the near masterpiece “Heavy Metal” doesn’t even associate to the original. The plot is such a mess, involving a glowing crystal that turns those who encounter it insane, a snot-nosed monster, dinosaurs with pierced nipples, and six eyed warrior. As you can understand, I had a hard time being aware of what was going on, let alone get the time to meet the characters individually. Leaving me with the review for this crappy movie.

The story was incoherent and lacking the traits of the 1981 original. What happened to the good music? No Black Sabbath, Blue Oyster Cult, or Sammie Hagar? The music featured here is nothing but loud and obnoxious. It does have three dimensional animation, but lacks three dimensional characters. All of the effort here was put into the visuals and none of it towards character development.

The first fifteen minutes of “Heavy Metal 2000” is much more gory than the entire running time of it’s antecedent “Heavy Metal”. This is just a result at how much work was put into the violence and not the storyline. I found myself impatiently waiting for the trademark song “Heavy Metal” performed by Sammy Hagar. I was sorely disappointed when it was never played. It’s plain and simple, this just should’ve never been made.

“Heavy Metal 2000” ends up being a major disappointment. This includes everything from the animation that was much too busy, to the sketchy sound effects. The music is beyond bad and the whole thing becomes tired after the first five minutes. Watch the original, but bypass this disappointing one way ticket to midnight.

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