Movie and Film Reviews (MFR) Horror No One Gets Out Alive

No One Gets Out Alive

As one film critic said, “No One Gets Out Alive” is a throwback/tribute to the slasher films of the 70’s and 80’s.  Directed by Jason Christopher, the movie does bring to mind many classic slasher films (especially that of the Friday the 13th series).  But the compliments end there.   Starring Jen Dance and David J. Bonner as the two leads, the movie fails to live up to the potential it had—the legacy it meant to achieve.

But before I get into the technical details, I feel I should give a rundown on the story.  The movie started with the killer’s daughter getting ran over by a group of drunken teenagers.  And then, we (as the audience) are introduced to the obligatory final girl (who was in the hospital due to depression).  Shortly, we are introduced to her group of friends who she reluctantly joins on a camping trip in the woods.  Overtime, we hear the story of how no one that enters the woods makes it out alive.  And then, people start dying—and dying fast.

This leads me to the various problems that plagued this movie for me.   First, I noticed the problems they must have had in post-production.  A lot of the dialogue did not match up with the actors mouths, making it look like a badly dubbed foreign film.  Not only that, but the camera work was atrocious.  Calling it shoddy would be a compliment.  Calling it amateurish would be an insult to film makers everywhere.  But the camera kept moving back and forth at such a frantic pace it interfered with the rest of the movie.  That was, of course, the biggest problem over all.

But it contributed to the second.  This movie had serious pacing issues.  It moved way too slow until people started dying and way too fast once it started.  It especially moved too fast when the killer was stalking people, a problem that was largely caused by the aforementioned camerawork.  During scenes where I should have been tensing up, I was getting way too distracted by the camera which bounced back and forth like a ping pong ball.  If anything, there were only two decent things I could say about this movie.  First off, the cliché scene where one character tells all the other ones the story about the killer was actually really well done.  It was literally the only decently filmed scene in the movie.  Second I’m thankful the movie was only 77 minutes, so I didn’t have to suffer for too long.

That being said, I can’t say I could possibly recommend this movie any less.  After all, it broke the number one rule of making a bad horror movie.  Either, the movie needs to be so bad it’s good or there has to be a little bit of nudity.  And in the end, I give this movie only 1 star out of 5 for being watchable but not worth watching.

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